What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I don't think i like this statement. In fact, i would really like to have a few moments alone with the person who came up with this annoying turn of phrase. What the hell is it supposed to mean anyway? I could cut off one of my arms and, if it didn't kill me, i sure as hell don't think it would make me any stronger than i was with 2 arms. Although i might have one really really strong arm after awhile. But either way, I would probably just wonder for the rest of my life why the hell I cut off my own freaking arm in the first place.
I realize that this statement is based on the concept of being able to carry the baggage that we all have and learn from it. You get through the trials and hardships that life pitches at you and come out a stronger person for it. Well poo on that. I feel that personally, although I have many problems and issues to look forward to, I have learned enough lessons for now and have enough reason to want said lessons to stop for awhile. I want to get off the bus now. Hell, I'll even ride the short bus for a bit if it means that i don't have to get any stronger just yet.
Maybe there is a reason that certain people learn certain lessons before other people do. If there is, can someone please drop me a line and tell me why. Its not as if I would like any of the people I know and love to go through the same life experiences that I have, but sometimes it would be nice to know that I'm not playing this thrilling game of life with weighted dice or a stacked deck. I suppose that life is just a crap shoot and we all get whatever is rolled regardless of the dice. Life is like a box of chocolates. Ya never know what you're gonna get...unless you go through the box and poke the bottoms of all the chocolates so that you know what you are gonna get.
2 comments:
First off, I am so sorry. Deeply, sincerely, with everything that "I'm so sorry" could ever mean.
Second, I'm not sure some rational prose is going to "answer" a heart-pain. At best, it might re-frame the context of the pain, but it cannot successfully remove the pain.
With those disclaimers in mind, may I present a very short reply - more food for thought than solution. You have stumbled upon one of the more profound "options" that humans can (should?) answer. Either life is a crap-shoot or life is "about" something. Another way to say the same thing (in my opinion) is this: either life is some combination of logic & physics or life has a Person(ality) "behind" it.
The "makes you stronger" idea does two things for us emotionally: it gives us an axiom to cover everything we can't control (which is a type of controlling!) AND it makes "life" impersonal. The other option would be that "(the) God(s) are angry with me." This second option is quite personal and can make it all worse: bad events caused by a person(ality) that is angry with me.
In other words:
- either life is a crap-shoot, but at least there's no personal offense
or
- someone(s) are behind my pain and I cannot control him/her/it/them so I feel helpless.
If the later is true, then there are a whole different set of questions to walk through (although not alone, my friend!)
David
"Maybe there is a reason that certain people learn certain lessons before other people do. If there is, can someone please drop me a line and tell me why."
I'm pretty sure this won't help, but I question if someone could give you that definite answer. You could get one, it could just be wrong. I don't know if there's an answer you'd want to hear.
There are a couple answers to this question. One is the divine plan that you are just a mere part of something larger. You are a single thread in a giant tapestry kind of thing. My sister personally despises this theory and the phrase "things happen for a reason". She's a believer of chance. And that too can be the answer. With chance the answer is no, there is no reason why some learn certain lessons before others. It's random selection. Some people get mud thrown in their face, others get horse manure. It doesn’t matter if either was walking by a stable or through the city on a rainy day.
Or maybe the real reason one person learns certain lessons before others is because that one person needed to learn that lesson right then. You may not feel ready to learn it. You may not want to learn it. But it could be your time to learn it, and it’s not someone else’s time yet. I can take this either way for you. I can take this to lead to an incredibly positive outcome, or an incredibly crappy one. Both of which, I question you wanting to read. In the end, the lesson you learn is only part of it. The other possible questions seem to be: what are the lessons, what are you going to do with the lessons, how are you going to apply these lessons to your life; and are you going to apply them?
Your experience is a sad one I don’t wish upon anyone, but how are you going to move forward from it? Is it an experience you are going to let break you or make you stronger?
The stupid phrase may say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but like you said that might not be true. If you let it, it can weaken you. I’m one of those people who likes the illusion that I have control of something. That my mind over matter can have it strengthen me versus weaken me. I may not be able to control my surroundings and what happens around me, but I can try to affect my reactions to it and how I’m going to move forward over each hurdle. Don’t get me wrong. I know I can’t change some reactions. If I get burned by a flame, I get burned by a flame, and skin could char. But would I learn the lesson to not leave the gas burner on, to not light a cigarette in a kitchen w/ a gas burner on, or learn that physical scars don’t make me an ugly person?
I can just say you are not alone in wanting the short bus day pass. Whatever lesson you learn, whatever trait of your character builds from this, in the end its your lesson at your time, and I don’t know why you were picked to have it thrust upon you at this point in time.
PS- in the life is like a box of chocolate-you never know what you’re gonna get theory. This is true. You didn’t know what was in the box until after holes were poked to see what was in the chocolate. When you accepted the box, you didn’t know which ones were in there. It could have chocolates with fart flavored jelly beans in the center, and then you’d have gas breath for the rest of the day IF you chose one of those. You might know which one you’d be willing to put in your mouth and eat, but until you do some inspecting or label reading, it’s a chocolate with a possible surprise in the middle. You don’t know what your gonna get, you just might know what you’re going to put in your mouth.
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